Okay, Thea Queen. Real Talk.

I’m gonna put on my Momma Flea hat. It’s tiny and has horn like a narwhal that speaks truth. Gather these diamonds, girl. I know you think you’re in luurve, but lady…

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I am only through the third ep of season 2, but I see a pattern here with you, lil miss, and I am disturbed. Simply put, this is not boyfriend material:

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I’m sure he shakes you all night long, but sweetie, that’s not the only consideration here. Not only do you bang him, you tell him he is your whole world, you bail him out of jail and pay for his lawyer (repeatedly) and you give him the precious precious rock that your brother gave you.

Regifting is just tacky. Don’t be tacky.

The sad thing is, you know this. You have tried holding his paycheck, his happytimes in your ladyplace, threats, crying and just…no. Honey, no. When you meet a dude and he tells you this:

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You place that pearl of wisdom in your bitch tiara and you chant “I’m hot, I’m rich, and I can do better.”

Use that money for a newer, cuter purse and LOVE YOURSELF GURL. I made you a wallet-size so you can remember this.

Real talk.

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