Outlander Photo Recap S1E07, “The Wedding”, Pt. 2

Let the honeymoon continue!

My fashion runs toward the eclectic, so trust me when I say that only Jamie could pull this look off and be endearing, not creepy.

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Also, this is when I realized he had sex for the first time with his boots on. Who says romance is dead?

Jamie immediately gets teased about his prowess and general lack of no-how the second he walks down, but one of his more endearing qualities is his ability to roll with punches, so he lets them have their fun because he knows he’s the only one going upstairs to service something other than his hand.

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And there is a brief moment where he walks over to Murtagh, who is apple-cheeked and smiling and they have the sort of affectionate silent exchange dudes have when one of them finally gets his cherry popped. I can’t hear their thoughts, but I can imagine them.

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Jamie tells the rest of the lads that they can go to bed now, no need to stay up and as they continue to tease him, one lone figure has neither dude-shoves nor jokes, and that figure is bald.

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When Jamie gets ready to walk back upstairs, Dougal stops him cold with a very ominous “I don’t think ye’ve thanked me properly….” the sentence starts out pretty basic, so Jamie doesn’t really react, but then Dougal, who is trapped in a green spiral, ends with “…for givin’ ya somewhere better ta stick yer c*ck than the horses in the stable.”

OH NO YOU DID NOT.

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I actually gasped out loud when he said this, and if Jamie’s expression is anything to go by, he isn’t too ticked either.

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Admirably, Jamie doesn’t ask for a shinty caman but reins it in and quietly says “Thank ye. Truly,” because Claire is awesome and you should be thankful, kid. Dougal mhmphs and when Jamie turns to leave, he tells him that he should sit for a while, as he shouldn’t “appear to keen to return to yer…bride.”

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We hear Claire asking if “he really said that” and then we realize that Jamie is telling her about the events downstairs while they eat the food he gathered. It turns out that Dougal told him that he should “never let a woman see you too eager to please her. Gives her too much power.” Jamie says this with a smile, but Claire’s reaction speaks for all of us:

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She asks Jamie what he had to say to that, and he tells her that he said that he was “completely under [her] power and happy to be there.” Claire grins and they are so adorable together I want to smack the first bald man I see.

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Claire asks if there is any more whiskey, and when Jamie gets up to get it for her and pours it over her right shoulder, he becomes distracted by the firelight in her hair, and whispers something in Gaelic.

Claire asks him what he said, and he replies “my brown haired lass”. She says that she has always thought that brown was a pretty dull color, but Jamie disagrees, comparing her hair to water curving around rocks and pointing out how it is auburn in the sun, stroking her shoulder as he speaks. Claire is so turned on she immediately feels guilty and places a verbal orange cone by Jamie’s privates.

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That’s right. She wants to know about Jamie’s new plaid, and so he tells her the story and we get another flashback to Jamie and Murtagh in the barn.

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Murtagh found the widow of a Fraser who let them borrow his kilt for Jamie to wear during the wedding. This is the scene from the preview, where Murtagh worries that Jamie will “paint a target” on his back when he, a tall redhead, goes about in the Fraser plaid. Jamie tells him that he will only marry once, and he will do so in a manner that would honor his mother. When Murtagh makes a Scottish noise at him, he softens and asks him what he “thinks of Mistress Beauchamp”.

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Murtagh says “she’ll do,” but when Jamie insists, asking if his mother would approve, Murtagh asks for Jamie’s brooch and while he is spit-shining it, tells him that his mother had a smile “so sweet, it would warm a man to the backbone just to see it”, and that Claire’s smile is “just as sweet.” The bromance is palpable.

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Jamie and Murtagh are the JD and Turk of Outlander. It’s my second favorite relationship on this show. Back in the inn, Jamie is telling this story to Claire and she can’t believe something so poetic came out of Murtagh’s mouth. “Still waters run deep, ya ken,” says Jamie, and Claire asks if he is a Fraser or a Mackenzie. Jamie recites his full name (He is a Fitzgibbon Fraser) while clinking glasses with Claire and you can tell they are both tipsy but also PRECIOUS.

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Claire comments that it is a wonder that Dougal let Murtagh go get the kilt, he was in such a hurry. “He was,” says Jamie darkly,“ but I slowed him down.” Another flashback where we see Jamie’s conditions for the marriage. He tells Dougal he will do it, but he has three conditions. When Dougal gripes that it would just be easier to kill them both, Jamie smiles and says yes, but harder to explain.

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Condition 1 is marriage in a church, by a priest. Dougal’s solution to this is to take Young Willie to rouse and then threaten the sneezing local curate, who will not marry them unless the banns are read. When Dougal resorts to threatening him, he pulls a small knife and says they can’t kill him because neither of them is a priest.

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He and Young Willie throw bible verses for and against back and forth, but finally Dougal figures out his price, and it’s windows for his abbey so he no longer freezes to death.

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Priest secured. Back at the inn, Jamie tells Claire that the priest barely skipped a beat before asking when the ceremony should begin. Claire brings him a piece of cheese and jokes about priests and money, and Jamie tosses the cheese into the fire and begins to kiss her wrist, so Claire does what any hot-blooded woman would do, and prompts him for the second condition.

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Flashback to Rupert and Angus, who have been sent by Jamie with a key to melt the top part and keep the “bow and the blade” intact. Angus would have preferred to win a proper ring gambling LIKE YOU DO but Rupert days it’s Jamie’s wedding, so they will do what he wishes.

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When it comes time to pay, however, Rupert has to pony up to get it made the same day and he berates Angus for not splitting it as promised. Back at the inn, Claire admires her new ring, which she is wearing on her right hand.

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She and Jamie look very cozy and affectionate by the fire until she asks where the key was from, and he nervously answers that it was just something he had in his sporran and walks away. It is obvious he is lying, but Claire chooses to leave it alone and asks him about the third condition. This one, he says, he left to Ned.

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Flashback to Ned surrounded by…um…ladies. Professional ones.

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As much as I like the character, watching him get licked by whores is EXACTLY LIKE WATCHING HIM GET LICKED BY WHORES and Good God it’s not even a little good. The women are parading both their breasts and dresses in front of Ned, who has obviously been sent to find the wedding gown. In a whorehouse. Thankfully the madam saves the day.

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Turns out a nobleman of her acquaintance bought a dress for his wife on a trip which he then bartered for services, if you catch my drift. Won’t Ned take it? When she sees him pull out his purse to pay, she says it’ll take a while to wrap, and she can keep him entertained in the meantime.

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Back at the inn, Claire calls BS on the story, but Jamie says he got it from Ned himself, who was red in the face as he told it. He also asks Claire if she didn’t see “the strumpet” at their wedding. Claire asks “Oh, is that who that was?” and I am ticked I missed this. Jamie wants to know what Claire did all day, and her response is to show him the bottle she stole from Dougal the day before.

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Flashback to Claire on the morning of her wedding day, being woken up by Murtagh telling her she doesn’t want to get married looking like she does, which is ROUGH.

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Jamie asks Claire if she doesn’t remember anything about her wedding, and she responds that does, but she had a monstrous hangover. Jamie says he remembers “every moment, every second”, and finally, we see it through his eyes.

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Jamie dirty is sexy and magnetic, but clean Jamie is like a Disney Prince you want to lick clean like an OCD jungle cat.

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His voice over is intensely romantic as he tells Claire that he will “never forget” when he saw her for the first time. “It was as if I stepped outside on a cloudy day and suddenly-the sun came out.” We see the innkeeper remove Claire’s cloak and the light in the scene warms up like a shaft of sunlight, and it glints across the acorns and oak leaves (symbols of fidelity, natch) embroidered on her gown. Radiant she may be to Jamie, but Claire looks like she is going to a funeral, not marrying the hottest Scot in a ten-mile radius.

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Must be one hell of a dress, because no one seems to notice the bride is on the verge of panic. All the guests look delighted, and even the two gruffest haters in the group share a squee.

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Granted Murtagh is overcome by love for his ‘ship and Dougal is just inappropriately into the bride, but they do look way happier to be there than Claire.

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Jamie walks up to his bride and formally bows to her, saying “Your servant, madam” and I scare my cat because I am shrieking so loud and I think Claire must hear me, because her panic finally gets the better of her and she tells Jamie she can’t marry him.

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He looks concerned for a moment, until she says she doesn’t even know his real name.

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Claire, scared witless and in a state of high anxiety, replies to “James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser” with “Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp” and at least her manners haven’t suffered because she tries to shake on it.

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Dougal, who hasn’t snarked at anything in maybe 10 seconds, interrupts to snark that if they are “quite finished” he’d like to “get on with it”. What a softie. Jamie asks Claire if she remembers anything, and she says “not all of it, but some things are very clear.” Right before she walks in, We see Claire take off Frank’s wedding band, and stash it in her bodice.

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And on with the ceremony. Both Jamie and Claire say their vows very slowly and clearly, but while Jamie radiates earnestness Claire is a total downer who keeps looking down and sounds like she is going to cry. It’s verra romantic.

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Once she is done, the priest asks if Jamie has a ring, and he proudly places it upon the bible. Claire looks surprised to see it, and when he places it on her finger, their looks speak volumes about their feelings and they seem to speak with their eyes.

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To be fair, Claire has loads more experience on what it means to be married, while Jamie is just besotted and thrilled to have her. Both sides have their advantages, really. They stare into each others’ eyes for a couple of beats and I am starting to think it is very touching when Dougal, probably sensing that I am enjoying this, stomps into frame and roughly cuts both their wrists with Jamie’s dirk.

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Turns out this is the Highlander part of the wedding, and as Jamie places his wrist on top of Claire’s so their blood mingles and Dougal ties them together, he asks Claire to repeat after him. Back at the inn, Claire asks him what the words meant, and they are beautiful enough for me to take seriously, if at least for a moment.

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The priest says that Jamie may kiss his bride, and it’s official.

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