Hey all, thanks for the well-wishes, and here’s payback in the form of an unnecessarily long promo recap.
The title of this promo is more than a righteous Magic:The Gathering card. It’s also the nickname for Plutarch’sLives of the Noble Greeks and Romans, a series of biographies of famous men that highlighted their similar virtues and failings, and a fascinating study of morality and choices. It’s an apt lens through which to view this season of Outlander, in which Claire and Jamie struggle to make the most of their choice to separate, consequently exposing the best and worst of themselves (and those closest to them). It’s a reminder that our heroes are no more human than any of us: sometimes disturbingly fallible, others heartrendingly persistent. Plus I hear there’s a lot of sex.
Let’s dig in.
The promo opens on Claire and Bree, presumably on a plane back to Boston after their visit to Scotland. Caitriona Balfe narrates, letting us know that when we last saw the character it was 1968, right after her character discovers Jamie didn’t die at Culloden. Both Randall ladies seem immersed in thought.
Information like that has a way of jump-starting one’s fantasy life, and Claire gazes out of her plane window while Bree reassures her that they “will find him.” Don’t pat yourself on the back, kid. Everyone finds Jamie eventually. He’s pretty noteworthy.
Cut to Bree and Claire researching at what looks like a library with Roger. This promo needs more Roger. If this keeps up I am just going to start Photoshopping his face onto vases and stuff. Here he is, color-coordinating not only with the rich wood paneling but also Bree’s vest. I assume he’s the head researcher because he’s the only one who can read fluent Scottish noises.
I wasn’t going to recap this, and then I got rolled over by a bunch of tweeps who knew my weakness: Tobias Menzies breathing oxygen. Sure enough, I checked it out and he it started speaking to me.
Still, I fought it because usually Wednesdays are my nights to drink wine until everything is pleasantly fuzzy, and I really value my me-time. But then THIS HAPPENED. This was Tobias’ reaction to the term “Droughtlander,” and it was so awesome Starz had to add subtitles so no one felt left out of its warm glow. Rain has nothing to do with it. Anyone on Twitter knows this man’s sense of humor is as fine as an perfectly aged cheese. He can’t help the cheek.
I have no defense against the dimples, so here we go. Let’s hit these last 9 weeks running, shall we?
Over some scenes of stuff we’ve seen before comes some documentation of the accolades the show has received during hiatus, and this is nothing, folks. In the sexual parlance of my HS years, this just the tip. The best is still to come!
Outlander fans are ON IT. And under it, and probably hiding in its trunk. But LOVINGLY. So where did we leave off again?
Ah. Right. These kids here. Sticky wicket. But it gets better, right? RIGHT?
Uh-oh. I mean sure, bad things happen in a drama, but nothing DIRE, right?
WHAT HAPPENS? Sweet gelatin dessert, is there a Yeti? Is her husband naked? The Yellow King? What exactly are we talking about? Am I about to be Ned Stark’d? DON’T NED STARK ME.
Excellent. Married sexytimes is the mayo in my Outlander sandwich. Nobody wants a dry sandwich.
Been there, girl.
Another brief bit from Caitriona, where she tells us that we’re going to love seeing how they “stay together, not just get together.” That’s nice. Not enough shows explore the reality of a long-term marriage between time travelers and gingers.
This all looks in order.
Brief appearance by Ron, who comments, “It’s going to be dark,” and I wonder if this means more nighttime scenes by candlelight but the next frame makes what he’s referring to pretty obvious.
I am DEFINITELY NOT looking forward to these scenes. God bless Tobias and his ability to creep me out. Sam describes the Jack-Jamie relationship as one of a sort of “strange, twisted respect.” Not sure Aretha would agree.
Ron’s back to tell us that the back half is all about resolutions, and delving into the political aspects of the Jacobite rebellion, including what it means to the Mackenzie brothers. And Claire and Geillis will also be featured.
And we meet Jamie’s sister Jenny, an eleven on the Sass-meter and more evidence that the Fraser gene pool is worth its weight in gold.
And her sweetie husband, Ian.
We see Jenny briefly chastise Jamie and Claire for thinking that “life started when [they] walked though that door”, but I think they make up later because at some point they Thelma and Louise it like pros.
Ron mentions that the final episodes will go in an unexpected direction, and Cait advises us to “have a cushion ready to hide behind”, but I would advise you to fill that that cushion with alcohol, because really, unexpected would be a musical featuring My Little Ponies. That train of thought led here:
But as much as I try to cheer myself up with the usual nonsense, it’s clear this next block of episodes is going to be a tough one.
But oh look, it’s one of my favorite people, back to use one of my favorite weapons: common sense and a sexy knee-high boot.
God, Tobias, you’re right. I don’t really have a leg to stand on here. I mean, I am recapping a promo for crying out loud.
So I ignore Sam telling me that it gets “much much darker” and the quick clips that look dicey, and focus instead on the lovely quotes from industry insiders. If I start seeing subliminal messages in them, I’m sure it’s my imagination.
I can almost convince myself that it’ll be okay, and then some foreshadowing. “These are dangerous times,” Jamie advises Claire, “Be careful.”
Oh Jamie, it’s like you don’t even know the woman you married in haste!
I guess I should resign myself to the inevitable. Hopefully you will all excuse me when my recaps devolve into Mary J. Blige songs and pictures of baby hedgehogs. Because it doesn’t look so happy going forward.
Man, I REALLY want to know what that table setting did to piss Dougal off. COME ON APRIL.
At the end of the day, my relationship with Outlander is like Jack and Jamie’s. I know it will potentially scar me for life, but I gotta go there. Who knows? Maybe my gag reflex is stronger than I think.
Thanks for reading!
For more shenanigans, follow me here or on Twitter @conniebv.
And now she’s coming back! And you can expect it to get “darker”, at least that is what they keep telling us. But you can tell me whatever you want, Starz. I LOVE THIS SHOW AND YOU CAN’T KEEP US APART.
Even if you show me pics of my OTP looking unhappy.
Because it won’t last. They fit together like those magnetic koalas I had that used to hug my pencils.
You can’t keep my One True Pairing apart.
Although I guess that would make a boring show, so you kinda have to have some %$#@! go down. I feel ya, brah.
Oh, Murtagh. I would marry you, too, you fuzzy wise muppet.
So bad things have to happen to move the plot along, I get it.
But they are some pretty sucky things.
And each one has their own path to walk, which will be lubricated aplenty by my tears of rage.
And that’s not the only thing blowing up.
And it’s going to reveal people for what they are.
But it will also bring people closer…
…and help make some things clearer.
Because in the end, we all know what we’re here for. Breathtaking scenery and costumes, excellent acting, a riveting story and an epic adventure.
You guys, I can’t stop. I am probably sick like Black Jack except my illness causes me to look for sexay Frasers in frames of the next episode preview instead of beating the crap out of people and being a total tool that people hate. Lucky for you guys, this is the sort of juvenile nonsense that you have to look forward to when you follow me!
This is the flashback bit in between Jamie’s attempted kiss, frame by frame, because I heart you:
I’ll be in the shower, saying the rosary, hoping that I travel forward in time to Saturday.